Chapter 2 Safety First

Over the next few days, all she could do was sit and think about James and their time they had spent together.  She wished things would have turned out very different but instead she was in a marriage that has no spunk in it anymore. Realistically, leaving the marriage was not an option. We have invested so much time already and thinking about another man was just plain wrong, and besides if we did fall apart it would be nice to find out what I want and figure this world out on my own. Grrrr, she snapped knowing that her husband was a few hours away from walking in that door and he did say he had something important to talk to her about so maybe he was realizing how bad things are and wants us to work them out.  So, with that in mind, she grabbed her luggage and started packing for their trip. It did not take long especially since they would only be gone for two days, but she did not know where or what to pack! Bang! Bang! What in the world? She ran to the front door and tossed it open.

“ Bill, you scared me half to death!”

“Is my girl ready for some TLC with her husband?”

“ As ready as I can be,” she replied.  

“Where are we going, Bill?“

“I thought maybe we could take a nice trip to Sandbridge Beach in Virginia. Fall is setting in and thought what better way to enjoy Indian summer at the beach!”

What could she say other than yes? It has only been about five years since they have had such a getaway like this.  They packed up the car and headed on the road. It would be a long drive, but we had until Sunday night, early Monday morning to return. At first, it was a quiet ride, just the sound of Bill’s music playing in the background to drown out the silence.

 “Can we talk?” Julie shouted.

“Sure sweetheart what’s on your mind?”

“Bill I am not complaining at all but what is this trip really about?”

He just kind of gave a blank stare. “I guess it has just been a long time since we did something together and thought this was a good time to do so. Is there something wrong with that?”

“No I suppose not but I…”

Bill once again turned on the radio, and we continued down the road. After only about a 6 hour drive we made it to our destination. Ah, they could already smell the sea salt from the ocean. Nothing could be more peaceful than listening to the sound of waves crashing on the sand.

“Julie, sweetheart why don’t we go check into the hotel, unpack our things and take a nice stroll along the beach?”

I certainly wasn’t going to argue with that after all the sun had just begun to set so it would make for a much more romantic walk. They unpacked their bags and headed towards the dock to the beach entrance.

“This is just breathtaking Bill!” she said as she grabbed his hand.

She had forgotten how much she missed his touch.

“Julie, what happened to us?”

Stunned by the question she tearfully said, “I wish I knew.”

They sat down on the beach and just held each other as the water brought the sand between their toes. They seemed to be the only two on the beach at that moment, and nothing else mattered. Bill looked at Julie with lust that she had not seen in so long, she was not going to take for granted what was happening. He gently slid his fingers through her hair and kissed her passionately. She felt a warm fiery feeling going up her leg all the way to the ends of her hair.

“Maybe we should take this to our room. There isn’t much privacy out here!” Julie said with a worried expression.

“Julie, cannot you ever go with the flow? You are always so uptight. Relax and enjoy this perfect moment.”

Just then Bill’s phone began to ring.

“Don’t answer it. Let it ring.” Julie frantically pleaded.

“I am sorry, it will only be a moment,” Bill said. So just like that, he was off walking on the beach and talking to whoever was on the other end of that phone. She picked herself up and walked back to the hotel room, alone. This was beginning to be too much for her to handle but yet she could not argue with him. Bill finally came back about a half hour later. He was not very talkative but nothing new there.

“I think I am going to take a quick shower and then we need to talk,” Bill said.

She sat down on the bed with her mind thinking of so many things he wanted to talk to with her about. After several minutes of deep thought, a vibration sound came from Bill’s pants pocket. At that second she thought of looking at his phone, but her conscious was telling her not to do that.  

Bill came out wrapped in nothing but a towel. “Ok Julie, let’s talk. My boss and I have been talking about another transfer. Things have been going so well that he wants me to open a firm in California and run it.”

“Bill, are you kidding me? Is work all you care about anymore because I seem always to come last, and frankly I am sick and tired of it.”

“Whoa calm down, what’s your problem? We are living the high life. You have everything you could want, no worries about anything!”

“Can’t you see our marriage is broken? No communication anymore and money is not everything, although it appears to be for you! Is this why you brought me here so you could butter me up and tell me we are moving again and this time thousands of miles further from my family?” Julie cried out almost in tears.

“So what you are saying is you do not want to move?” Bill snapped back.

“You know what I will take myself home, and you can finish this weekend getaway because you did not want it. It was just a ploy to get your way. So you know what else, I want out of this marriage. I think I have put up with you long enough!”

Bill had a look of deep hatred on his face and threw his clothes back in his luggage. “You know what why don’t you find your way home because you are one ungrateful bitch! I will make sure you get nothing. I have given you everything your family could not provide you, and yet all I hear is that you want more! Well, guess what, now you can feel what it is like to be on your own without anyone’s help!”

So just like that he was gone, again!  She threw herself on the bed and sobbed. There were just no words to describe how she felt, completely and entirely alone! She picked up her phone and called Wendy, hoping it was not too late to get ahold of her. The phone rang a few times and then a “hello” said an exhausted voice on the other end.

“Julie is that you?”

She could barely get the words out because she had been crying so much. “Bill and I had a huge fight, and he left me on our weekend getaway destination in Virginia.”

“Oh no, sweetheart. I am so sorry, but you know this has been a long time coming and if I am going, being honest with you it is time for you to stand on your own two feet, Julie!”

“But I love him and what am I going to do? I have never been on my own.”

“You love a man who took you from your best friend and your family. Do you love someone who has an ego the size of China? I am always going to be here for you, but I believe it is time to move on, and I will help any way I can. Your heart is so good, but it is time to get up and be whom you have always wanted to be, and a doormat is not it!”

She hung up the phone and turned in for the night.

The next morning she woke up feeling extremely sick to her stomach, after what happened the night. She called down for room service hoping it would help calm her stomach. The thought of losing her husband was not ideal considering he really would take everything away from her. If only she had just kept her mouth shut about how she really felt or maybe she should not have married Bill at all, she might have a life by now. Instead, she knew she had to apologize and possibly make another move. She began to cry all over again with every passing thought she had. Room service knocked on the door and gave her some soup and crackers as she requested. “Thank you,” she said,  as she gave them a generous tip. It was a beautiful day outside, and she did not want to waste it but thought it was better to wait until her stomach settled down. She turned on the tv and ate some of her crackers and soup when her phone began to buzz. It was Bill sending her a text message. “Look about last night, just call me please!” Should I call him back she wondered or maybe let him mull over the fact that I am not at his beckon call! She ignored his message, well at least for the next hour and then couldn’t seem to hold off any longer.

“Hello,” Julie said in an emotionless tone.

“Hey, Julie I am sorry about what happened last night. I guess the pressure of this job and the hours are getting to me. Can you forgive me?”

“You know Bill, for the past four years I have done nothing but be a good wife and give you all I have, and you know what you have given me, heartache and pain demanding I do whatever you ask always rearranging my schedule for you! When does this change because I cannot take it anymore!” Julie said outraged.

“You are right Julie. You are right. I am a complete ass, but I know you believe in us. You always did when no one else would! That is why I talked to my boss this morning. Instead of moving right away I asked if I could do a three month trial in California instead of just picking up and moving again. He agreed to do it and if it works out maybe he could send someone else to take over for me and go back to just being in the office.”

“Bill,” she said with a little hesitation, our problems are never going to be solved with you halfway across the country.”

The line cut off. She was in such emotional distress the night before that she had forgotten to charge her phone. Maybe it was a sign, one that she desperately needs in order to find herself again! Her stomach had settled for a bit, so she got her bathing suit and went down to the beach with a towel in her hand. The breeze swept her hair from her face as the light beamed off of her hair. It was very quiet on the beach, some children running and playing and even a few dogs were enjoying the ocean. She watched as couples walked hand in hand down by the pier, sadly she was wishing that be what she would have been doing; instead, she sat alone with nothing but her thoughts. Colossal rain clouds began to approach so she gathered her beach towel and headed in. “Ma’am excuse me,” she turned around, and the head of concierge services was standing behind her. “I am so sorry to bother you, but your husband asked me to give you this message personally,” he handed her a note. “Thank you,” she said, as that sick feeling came back into her stomach. She took the note up to her room and sat on the bed. She was terrified to open the letter, but somehow she found the nerve to do so.

My dearest Julie, there are not enough words to express how sorry I am for hurting you and maybe a three month time apart will either make us or break us but for the sake of marriage do not give up on us yet. I have decided to pack up my things and head to California. I have left enough money in our checking account so that you can take care of the bills and even left some spending money for you to get yourself something nice. If there is anything else needed when I am gone don’t hesitate to let me know. Take Care.

Love Bill.  

She sat for a few minutes in silence until she could not hold it in anymore and began to weep. This game he was playing was just too much for her to bear any longer. She took her phone off the charge to call for a rental car to come to pick her up and allow her to get home. She noticed she had a few unread messages from her mom but didn’t open them right away. It just didn’t seem like the right time to tell her what was going on. Julie needed a change in her life, no more living the life that someone else has set for her, no more living in someone else’s shadow and most of all no more letting control and fear take over her life. It was time for her to set goals for herself and allow life to take her in a new direction, no matter what or where that direction may be.

Chapter 1 What’s A Marriage

Chapter 1

“Bill,” Julie groaned as the alarm blared in her ear.  It is time to get up! As she rolled over, she realized that the covers were still in place from the night before.  Frantically she jumped out of bed to check to see if her husband had even made it home. There was no sign that he had come home and her mind wandered in so many different places.  Was he in a car accident, maybe he was stuck in traffic, or maybe he had been with having an affair with another woman. Ok, ok let’s not even think of that. Off to the left was the kitchen; she peeped her head to look and noticed the light flashing on the answering machine.  She grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down to hear the voice message “Hey Julie, sorry I did not call sooner but my flight was late and I stayed overnight at the airport so I should be home by mid-afternoon. I love you”. “I love you; she laughed, since when does he leave me that kind of message”? She put her robe on and walked out to the living room. Everything seemed to be in place.

At least I know he is safe and doesn’t have to worry that something happened to him. Well, living the life of being married to a business executive is not all it is cracked up to be even though we have just about everything we could ever want in life, including a big beautiful mahogany wood home in the middle of nowhere, or so it feels that way. It takes about fifteen minutes to get to the local grocery mart and another ten to get to work.  Don’t get me wrong, I love living in a small town but not when you cannot share the little things in life with the one you love, It makes very little sense to have it all. Bill is away on business approximately three weeks out of the month, and so the week he is here he is at the office closing deals. By the time I get a chance to see him he is off and ready for his next three-week adventure. It is not the fairytale I envisioned it would be for us.  Unfortunately, because of his job we have had to move away from my family and friends. My mom and I were very close, but since Bill and I moved to Vermont and because she lives so far away, we barely have time to see one another. I have an older brother, who is actively deployed right now in Sudan. Unfortunately, my father passed away from complications due to diabetes. Bill has a massively big family, most of which I do not get along with due to the fact my family was not filthy rich and they felt I was not good enough for their son, so we keep our distance. Even though we are very friendly with each other around the holidays, I mostly stay to myself. My best friend Wendy and I both work at a coffee shop downtown. She has been such a rock for me and has seen me at my very worst, but she does not know all the dark secrets I had about my marriage. I guess it is a fear of hearing what I may already know but don’t want to face   My husband, and I do not need the money. Working is just something I do for myself in order to stay sane. Trying to keep Bill happy takes work, he comes home grumpy and tired, so I make him as comfortable as possible and don’t bother him with my daily struggles, that is if I had any for the day. If I am going, to be honest with myself, Bill and I have not made love in months. He seems very distracted by everything around him, so sometimes I wonder if he even notices us anymore. “Poor me?” she cried out. I am always at the helm of someone else, always feeling alone and no one to share with what I am feeling and how miserable things are, I try so hard to keep it together and to keep things interesting. I would love to go back to school and get a degree in Psychology or maybe even have a couple of children. What I want is to have my partner back and feel the way we once did before he got this executive position. Complaining I guess won’t do any good so I will keep pushing forward hoping things will improve. So I guess it will start with me tonight.

She decided that tonight she was going to romance her husband with his favorite meal and dress up for him like she used to do.  She went to the store, with a list in hand she headed off inside to the MerryMart. She picked up Bill’s favorite, watermelon and headed off to the vegetable section to pick up some fresh lettuce, cucumbers, and carrots.  She tried to decide whether she was going to pick up a roast or a chicken breast. Both were his favorites, but she did not have hours to cook it, so she finally went with the chicken breast and held off on the roast for a later time.

“Julie is that you?”, she swiftly turned to see who was calling out her name.

“James, oh my gosh I have not seen you since we graduated. They embraced.

“How are you doing?” James asked

“I am doing pretty good, just getting dinner for my husband and me.”

“ I see, well I do not want to hold you up. It was good to see you again.” He turned to walk away.

“James wait” Julie called out.” Look I realize we have not spoken in many years but please forgive me, I never meant to hurt you.

“Oh you mean since Bill was such a good catch and you decided to walk away from me just because I did not have money.

“Not true,” Julie snarled. I loved you James, but things just got to be too overwhelming, I was trying to put myself through school and at the time my father was very sick.”

“And good ole William promised to be your knight in shining armor and whisked you away. So tell me, Julie, how is that working for you?”

Julie glared hard at James, “ who the hell do you think you are? Questioning my relationship with my husband, we could not be happier, so maybe you should mind your own business”!

“Oh Julie you do not hide misery very well, but I will let you keep believing that. Have a good night.”

Just like that, he was gone. She pulled herself together and paid for the items in her cart. She turned on the radio in the car only to hear “I just called to say I love you,” what is with this day she shouted! Her mind starting thinking back to the conversation with James and that he was right in everything he said and she felt he was one of the very few people to understand her, but Bill had come between them and it was not something she was proud of either but what could she do? It was so long ago, and there wasn’t anything she could do to change it. She was curious why James in her small town.  As she had heard, he was a travel agent and spent most of his time out of the country. Rrrrring

“Hey, sweetheart it is me.”

“I knew it was you honey, so I decided to stop at the store and grab us some dinner.t should be done by the time you get home this afternoon.”

“Uh about that I actually won’t be home until Friday, the boss called about a last-minute deal.”

“Damn it Bill cannot we ever just have a normal week or even a normal life”?

We could take a two-day getaway anywhere you want to go! I think we need to talk anyway so that would be the perfect time to do it so. Let me know where you want to go and send me an email or voicemail.”

“Are you kidding me right now? I feel like I am making a business deal with you instead of a husband and wife getaway but whatever you want”.

“Thank you, dear and I will see you in 2 days”.  

God this man is unbelievable she said to herself. She pulled into the driveway and went inside to put away the groceries that she had just purchased for nothing. She decided she was not going to sit at home tonight all by herself so she called Wendy to see if she would like to meet for dinner.

“Hello, hey Wendy are you busy tonight?”

“I am doing absolutely nothing. What were you thinking, dinner and a movie or just some take out and hang out at my place?”

“Oh both sound enticing, but I think just dinner would be good. I do not think a movie is in order for me tonight unless it is a horror show.” Julie laughed out loud.

“Oh wow, rough night huh?”

“We can talk later. Thanks, Wendy. I will meet you at five o’ clock  at Betty’s Dinner.”

“Ok, see you then.”

She sat down on her bed feeling sorry for herself not knowing from one day to the next whether things would work itself out or it was going just to come crumbling down all at once.  Looking out the back patio, all Julie could see was the beautiful leaves that started falling off the trees, her favorite time of year. There was a little bit of time before she needed to get ready for dinner, so she decided to take a walk. She needed to clear her mind because there was so much going through it. How could this marriage have fallen apart so quickly? He started out being the best husband anyone could ask for, but when he got his promotion, it is like his desire turned directly to work, and our lives started becoming less involved.  Before they moved in together but she did not have much of anything, other than her clothes and some money she had saved from a previous job. She had never been on her own, so she had undoubtedly dreamed of being independent and not always relying on someone else to take care of her. Bill did not want her working or doing much of anything except doing wifely duties such as cleaning the house, going for groceries, cooking dinner every night and paying some of the bills. Bill only allowed me to see the household bills because he had his expenses that didn’t entail me getting involved, so I stay out of it.  I need to search myself and decide what’s best for me because I feel at my wit’s end.

After a nice walk, she returned home and hopped in the shower and grabbed one of her cute cocktail dresses. She put on some heels and a touch of perfume. Julie had autumn colored hair that flowed down to her waistline and had a slim figure. She swiped her keys and headed to the car like a girl on a mission. She pulls up to Betty’s Dinner, and Wendy’s car was already there, so she stepped inside to meet her friend. As she scoured around the room, she spotted Wendy and went to sit down.

“Hey girl,” give me hugs! How’s my girl doing today?” Wendy chuckled.

“Well I am doing ok you know the usual,” Julie said with a smirk on her face.”

“Ok, Jules something is going on, what’s up?”

Julie hesitated for a moment, then asked for a cigarette.

“ That bad huh?”

“ My marriage is falling apart, and I do not know how to fix the situation! Every time I turn around Bill goes on another business trip, and then I do not get to see or talk to him very much. I do not talk about his needs, my needs or anything. I want to have kids and make a career for myself. I love working at the coffee shop, but it is not enough.”

Wendy just looked at me in awe. “Julie you have everything you could have possibly ever wanted no money worries, not wondering where your next meal is coming from, you have such a beautiful house.”

“I am sorry I should not have said that!”

“ Nah it is okay, I guess you are right.”

Julie and Wendy both laughed at the sarcasm.

“So really what are you going to do?”

 “I guess I will continue to deal with it. What other choice do I have? Without Bill, I would have nothing. I know my family would be there to help me, but they do not even know half of what I go through. My mom has enough to worry about without me adding to her stress”.  

“Good evening ladies my name is Cindy, as she walked up to the table.  I will be your server tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink?”

“Go ahead Julie, you first.”

“I will have a root beer float with a glass of water.”

“And for you dear?”

“I will have a raspberry lemonade.”

“Anything else for you right now?”

“ No  I think we are good for now, thank you,” Wendy said

As they continued to talk and have their dinner, Julie noticed a man sitting at the on the other side of the diner and she really couldn’t see who it was but from a distance, it looked like James, and he was with someone.  

“Wendy, look I think James is here!”

“ Wait, what?” James from school she blurted out loudly.

“ Shhhh don’t bring attention to our table. I ran into him today at the market!”

“Oh, and how did that go?”

“I think James is still harboring old feelings because I chose to be with Bill instead.”

“And are you regretting that decision?”, Wendy snickered.

“I have not forgotten James. He was one of my best friends and lovers, but somehow Bill came in and swept me off my feet and I never looked back. If I could go back and change things…well I guess we will not ever really know that out because I am married and as it appears James is also taken so spending another minute wishing is not going to do me any good.”

Sadness washed over her face, as she sighed.

“Thank you, my dear friend, for coming here to meet with me for dinner, but I am starting not to feel well and need to go home and rest. Bill will be coming home in a few days and I should probably get the house taken care of. It is starting to look like a pig’s pen. She was able to blurt out a laugh.  

Criticism Vs Critique

Have you ever wondered whether you are asking for the right feedback? Let’s look at what each of these words means.

Criticism: An expression of disapproval of someone or something. The analysis and judgment of literary work.

Critique: A detailed assessment of something, especially in literary or political theory.

When I am ready to share my work with others I usually ask someone to give me a critique on it, meaning I would like to know why you do or don’t like what I have written. Some may ask for “constructive” criticism. However usually what happens is this can become more negative or misinterpreted.

  • Criticism can find fault
  • Critique looks for structure in the material
  • Criticism looks for what may be lacking
  • Critique finds what works
  • Criticism faults what it doesn’t understand
  • Critique asks questions
  • Criticism looks for flaws in the writer along with the writings
  • Critique addresses what is only on that page.

Here are a few differences in each:

Sometimes it’s hard hearing that your work might not be as good as you thought. Let me be the first to tell you it is well worth listening to someone else’s perspective on things. Everyone makes mistakes and the only way to grow or get better is to learn from those mistakes. When asked to read over someone else’s work I always let them know of things I find intriguing first, then I give advice on what I believe could be changed/fixed. Keep in mind it is your story, you have the option to listen or move on.

It can be tough on our emotions when we hear something that isn’t positive about your work, especially after you spent hours upon hours writing. Don’t be discouraged! Keep writing.

The Alpha Reader

I often get asked this question when trying to help new author friends. What is an alpha reader? Isn’t it the same as a beta reader? You would be surprised to know they are a bit different. I will go on to explain why and how helpful each can be.

Let me explain what an alpha reader is and how it can help with your writing journey. Alpha readers are more like the first reader. He or she will read it as a work in progress. It could be from start to finish or after your first draft. You will want to allow them to see the overall structure of how your book is working. Are there plot holes that need some filling in?

The idea is to have a trusted reader who can spot issues the writer has missed or has a blind eye too. You don’t need to have tons of eyes reading your work one or two is sufficient.

Some authors don’t use alpha readers but it can be the best start to your writing journey. The sooner the better, you want to limit wasted effort that might get reworked or even tossed out based on the feedback from the alpha reader.

Your alpha reader is kind but honest about the work you have put hard work into. Someone who will encourage you as you venture to the next step. Sometimes the alpha reader will read as you rewrite and fine-tune your book. They will also let you know if you are heading in the right direction.

The beta reader is someone who will read your work that is almost completed. The earliest beta reader will come when you have completed self-editing and the book is as good as it can get. Some authors even wait until their book is ready for production meaning they have gone through content, copy editing, and proofreading.

Your beta reader can be a friend, family member or a co-worker. The idea is that they read your manuscript as if they were a casual reader. Beta readers should give you honest opinions while giving the strengths and weaknesses.

I choose to be an alpha reader because you get to take that ride with the writer while being there to support them as they take different steps to make a book a masterpiece. It gives me a sense of joy to be able to help others. I have been taking several courses and classes to help polish my skills.

Here are a few sites to follow along for your writing needs and to be a supportive outlet.

Supporting Beginner Writers

I think it’s fitting that I start my first blog this way. Its been about a month since I last bogged. I took some time off to focus on my new author’s page and my support group on facebook.

I will be writing a least once a week to give some writing tips on the “how to’s”. I have learned so much in this past month on the different writing techniques stemming from paragraph structure, choosing your POV, and showing not telling. Sharing what I learn with everyone helps others who are just starting out or just need someone to get them through this writing journey.

I have taken so far 3 online writing courses while some were free, I paid very little for the other ones but yet they gave me a sense of relief knowing I wasn’t the only one who has struggled with my writing. Everyone may have a different strategy or different groove when it comes to writing, it’s up to you as an individual to find your niche or what works for you.

Wanting to write a book, a short story or poems is a process and shouldn’t be rushed. We can have all the talent in the world but remember we had to learn how to ride a bike it didn’t just happen. Somedays you may feel like giving up because you think your work is crap, well that’s a good thing if you recognize that you could have done better. I have scrapped tons of my work but I learned I need to be patient and have discipline.

I am a learning coach for my daughter and I love helping others so if I can offer any help then I will do that. I started to do some alpha reading for some just because it’s good to have someone you can trust to encourage you through this process. I give my honest opinion on what I think but I don’t put in negativity that doesn’t help the author or the reader. You can give critique without putting someone else’s work down. We put hard work into what we write so it’s good to hear what needs to be fixed and how we could fix it.

Thank you to those that have been supportive of me and my journey. Please visit our facebook group, we have a lot of wonderful minds and are all there to help no matter what you need or how advanced you are, support is key in helping with the writing journey.

Surprising Myself

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I never thought that when I started writing my book that I would get more than I bargained for. It’s amazing what you can learn about yourself just by writing a story that really had nothing to do with you! Feeling as though I kept hitting a brick wall I pushed through each chapter without realizing it was actually teaching me a lesson I hadn’t prepared for.

I have taken roughly about 4 weeks off from writing due to trying to figure out where I wanted to take my book along with that thing called life that happened. I want to take my time and get my groove back or so to speak. 

I realized when I started writing that it wasn’t going to be a piece of cake but at the same time I thought I could have this wrapped up within a reasonable period of time. Well needless to say I am working on month number 4 and only on chapter 8. 

For some people writing may all be about the money but for me, it’s not. It takes a lot of work along with time and effort and I wanted something for me. I am raising 3 girls, homeschooling one of them due to her disability and running my facebook page and blog. Time definitely isn’t always by my side but I push through.  

There is a drawback when writing your own book and it’s not a fun job. In order to promote your writings and your book, you need to be persistent with friends and family about reading the material. You need to find a base and keep at it. I find it very hard to engage on WordPress to keep people interested, maybe because it’s a blog and not so much a book promotion well at least not for me. I use my facebook page which has reached over 315 likes and followers. 

I am thankful for those that have taken the time to sit and read certain chapters or just giving me some input on how to improve. To those who struggle DO NOT give up and try to remember it does take time, it’s not a quick process that you can just rush through. Always think positive because negativity can be a downfall that is hard to recover from. 

Happy Writing


Finding Middle Ground

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As I sit and turn on the news every day, I can’t help but wonder what is this world coming to? There is so much hate and anger but yet blame at the same time. How can we as a society have it both ways? If you don’t like what someone says do we add to the hate by spuing hate? I feel as though we are blaming our own actions on others. We have the power to make a difference in the world but not by doing the exact same thing we hate. We can’t hate someone because they have a different viewpoint. What is our purpose of calling one names because of the way they feel? How about trying a different approach. Knowing that we are all different make your voice heard positively.

I have not always wanted to hear others viewpoints on specific issues because I thought my opinion was right. Raising my children along with going through some tough situations has made me see things a little differently. Politics has always been politics, you have both sides criticizing the other and both sides trying to make their case. I find that by looking at both sides makes me see things I never really thought I could see. Do I affiliate with a particular party? Absolutely, but I do not always agree with my party just as I don’t always agree with my family on specific issues. It’s still good to see things from a different perspective.

Raising my kids has not always been fun, and as they are getting older I realize they are going to choose what’s best for them no matter how I feel but I do want them to try to see things through a different lens other than their own. My special needs daughter especially understands what it’s like, she struggles every day, but at the same time she can see through a completely different point of view.

People don’t want to hear things that differ from our beliefs and values but just respecting someone else’s can go a long way and can make you as a person be stronger. I never thought I would be so open-minded towards certain things but thanks to some wonderful people in my life who helped me see more than I ever wanted to see…….

My Daughters Journey “Part 2”

Although it was heartbreaking to have 2 unwanted miscarriages I knew this wasn’t the end of our journey yet. On September 11, 2001, our country faced a horrible tragedy I remember the fear I had and really thought to myself is it really safe to bring another child into this world? Needless to say, that day made so many stronger, and I know it made me believe more than ever our next child would be on his/her way.

It was about a month later that I found out I was pregnant and due in June. My husband and I were terrified something would go wrong again. The doctor watched me closely for the first few months, and I learned some things I did not know throughout the other pregnancies. I found out I had a bicornuate uterus which is a type of congenital uterine malformation or müllerian duct anomalies in which the womb appears to be heart-shaped. I couldn’t believe that in my first 3 pregnancies no one told me this critical information. I really was thankful though because the doctors could help me during this pregnancy.  As you can see in the picture below, there is a lot less room in this type of uterus.

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I was put on bed rest with this pregnancy, but I really had no problems, I actually enjoyed every minute of it. On June 8th, 2002 I had a healthy baby girl. She had jaundice, but otherwise, she was just fine and is now in 11th grade and working a job along with her studies.

We waited about 2 years to try for another baby, some may be thinking why would you try for another baby knowing the risk I could be taking. I felt my dream was to have 3 kids and to be a caregiver. I knew I was in good hands with the doctors and that they would continue to take care of me. I did not get pregnant right away it took about 3 years.

When we found out we were pregnant again the doctor put me on bed rest, but I did have some bleeding at first, so I tried to be as careful as possible. This was a complicated pregnancy for me, I had a lot of heartburn and had to be put on medication for it. My hip would pop in and out of place. From the time I was 6 months pregnant, the doctor ordered me to have physical therapy 2 days a week because the baby was laying on my sciatic nerve along with having to have my hip put back into its normal position.

I started having labor pains with my baby girl around 34 weeks, I was in and out of the hospital for about the next 2 weeks, and the doctor told us that it should be safe if she were to come this early. I was due Oct. 1, but on Sept 3 my daughter had other ideas. It was around 11pm Sept 2nd when I started feeling strong contractions. I had already planned for someone to watch my other to girls, so we were definitely ready to get this show on the road.

We got to the hospital around 12:30am on the 3rd, they gave me medication because I also had Group B streptococcus (GBS)  which is a type of bacterial infection that can be found in a pregnant woman’s vagina or rectum. I had it with all my pregnancies so what they would typically do is start an antibiotic drip for the safety of the baby. Group B could be very deadly to the baby if it were to come in contact with it.

I was given an epidural as well because I did not have any medication during the birth of my 2nd baby delivery as it was too late to get any meds. So I knew for this one I was getting the medication to take the edge off. It was around 7:20 am, when the nurse came in and checked me, she said well you are 9 cm, she then took a long pause. She had a fearful look on her face, “I will be right back.” I could sense that something was wrong. The doctor came in and checked me, her face was as white as a sheet and said: “someone bring me the ultrasound, please. They rushed in, she put the ultrasound on my belly looking and feeling around. She turned to the nurse and said we are doing an emergency c-section right away get ahold of someone in the operating room and get her prepped asap.