One of the most painful memories I have would be losing my babies. My first loss began back in 2001. I had already had a child that was born in 2000 she was my joy for sure. I remember how easy it was raising my daughter, she never gave me a problem. I knew I wanted more children, 3 to be exact. So when my daughter was about a year old my husband and I tried for baby #2. I found out about 4 weeks later we were pregnant again. I was so excited that I probably had taken about 4 tests just to make sure. Sadly my joy turned into heartbreak, my grandfather was admitted into the hospital with pneumonia, unfortunately he passed away about a week later. My grandfather meant so much to me and it devastated me. About 3 weeks after his funeral I started bleeding and having cramps. I immediately called my doctor, he told me to head to the E.R. to be checked out. My husband at the time stayed home with our daughter and I went alone and scared. They took me back into the ultrasound room. The lady who did the ultrasound was awesome and professional. She kept looking around and listening for the baby along with the heartbeat. We could both see the baby but not a heartbeat. I think my heart stopped at that time all I could do was cry. I was about 16 weeks pregnant so we could certainly see that it would a little smaller than a normal 16 week fetus. They let me go home that night but I had to go the next morning for a D&C because the baby was still in the womb. That was the worst feeling ever knowing I had no control that my baby was about to be sucked out of me. As heartbroken as I was I still had to go on no matter what. The doctor’s office was so kind to me they sent me a card along with an angel pin in remembrance of my baby. I took that pin and went to my grandfathers grave dug a little hole and placed it inside. I knew my pappy would look out for my little angel. At the time I couldn’t understand why this had happened but decided I would try again for another baby, maybe it wasn’t the best move but the doctor said it would be ok to try again in a few weeks but wait to heal. Well we did try again about a month later, bingo pregnant again. I was so nervous and scared but happy at the same time. At the 6 week check-up everything was doing great. We got to hear the heartbeat and see him/her. I took it easy and did as the doctor ordered. One afternoon I went to a friends baby shower when I started feeling some cramps so I figured it was because I needed to go to the bathroom. I sat down and did what I needed to do as I was wiping a big blob of blood came out of me. I knew exactly what it was, I could see a very tiny baby obviously you couldn’t see a fully grown baby but it looked like a little alien. I had just had another miscarriage no less at my friends baby shower. I wrapped up my baby and put it in my purse. I didn’t want to say anything to anyone because this was supposed to be a happy time and kept it at that. I left and drove myself to the doctor’s office. He confirmed what I already knew but there was nothing we could do about it since I delivered everything that needed to be delivered. Anther heartbreak in the books for me. You would think with the loss of my 2 babies that it would discourage me from having more children. It actually did the opposite I believe God wanted me to care for as many children as I could. Later my doctors reveled to me that I had a condition called bicornuate uterus, which is basically a heart shaped uterus and it can cause a miscarriage or preterm labor. I am happy to say that I did have 2 more children who are healthy and happy. My last daughter was born by emergency c-section due to breach presentation. Although I think what those 2 babies would look like or be, I am very thankful to have the 3 girls I have now. I never go to know if they were boys or girls but God had other plans for my babies.